A month ago, I confessed to someone. It was his birthday, the day that I chose to confess. After greeting him a happy birthday through text, I did it.
I feel like I have nothing to lose, that's why... I like him for about 7 years now, but we haven't met for 6 years. Kinda long, huh? It's crazy even for me. I never like someone for that long before, moreover for a person whom I don't see in 6 years. It already takes too long, that's why too...
Of course, for all these 6 years I have met several guys. I liked someone else, I was even in a relationship. But you know, he's the only one remains. Even when I liked another person, I never really erased him. It's not that I like 2 people at the same time, but it's like after my feeling to another person's gone, I think about him again. And it's always like that.
Usually, the longest time that I ever liked someone was 2 years. After I liked that person, and nothing happened, I would forget him totally. Forget in the context of no remain feeling at all. However, he's exceptional. I never forget him, or maybe I don't want to. He's like having a secret and sacred place in my heart, somehow hidden, and untouched.
Maybe, many or some of people still think that woman shouldn't confess first. But for me, why not? It's not something shameful, right? Is liking someone a sin? Man may like woman, then man can confess. Woman may like man, so why can't woman confess? We, women, also have right to let our heart been heard. When I liked someone for 1 or 2 year(s), I could just keep it for myself, not confessing. Well, I would forget it in the end, so why bothered. Nonetheless, liking someone for 7 years, it's too much for me to keep it hidden. That's why...
To him, I said that I liked him for all these years (he knew it at the first place 7 years ago, but he didn't know I still liked him until now), I didn't know why and I didn't understand why it never changed. I said to him that I wouldn't be sorry for my feeling towards him, but I felt sorry for my sudden confession because I didn't know if he had girlfriend or someone he liked, so this had may bother him. I also said that though I felt sorry, I still needed to confess, because I thought I would regret if I didn't say it.
His response was good, but I would keep it for myself, his answer. Anyway, I didn't ask anything to him in my confession. I really just confessed. However, I want to ask him one thing. No, I don't ask him, because I don't have the courage. It's only my greed.
There's also another secret about me that I wanna reveal. Actually, I have special ability to move on. So, when I say "I let you go", then my feeling to that person will vanish gradually. Slowly, but gone. So, to him that I like for 7 years, I just haven't let him go. For now, I think I still don't want to.
So M, should I wait, or shouldn't I?
That's the question, which I don't have the courage to ask.
A little confession won't hurt