I was thinking for a long time, considering... Should I post this or shouldn't I? I need a very brave heart posting this one. And well, why shouldn't I?
I keep wondering all this time, asking myself, "Is it wrong?" and "Am I wrong?" and "Where have I been?". Also saying to myself, "I was so stupid!"
And now, you must be wondering what it is all about actually. hahahaha...
The story starts here...
I have an old friend. We've been friend for seven years, more or less. We're not a close friend, yet we communicate to each other well. Yeah, not that well, but not bad. For sure, we're just friend. However, I actually am not sure how it happens, now we become a little bit closer to each other. This one is something that I've never thought about before. Our closeness is so...what should I call it? Mmmm, Accidental? Coincidental? Because, whenever I think about it, it's just so weird that I can not get it. Well, I just can't get it.
We're closer now. We communicate more often. We know about each other quite well. We joke around. We discuss many things. We tease each other. We talk, we laugh. Nonetheless, I won't talk about us, I will only talk about me. It's all about my feeling, while I don't know about his, and I'm not a kind of person who concludes anything based on feeling. Since I'm so logical, I need facts and proofs. So, again, I don't know about his feeling at all, and I never wanna guess, thus it's all just about me.
I feel comfortable having a chat with him. I feel happy when I talk to him. I feel like he's so smart, so I can converse many things with him, share everything that I wanna share and ask his opinion about whatever. The funny things are I'm not shy to tell him many things and to express my thoughts about anything, even I don't mind if he sees my foolishness or silliness. I usually don't want someone can see my flaws.
In the beginning, I asked myself, "why?". Then I thought about it clearly in my mind, looking for an answer, but I found nothing. So, I saw clearly to my heart, begging sincerely. And I just knew then. Aaa...so I like that person.
Therefore I wonder, "Is it wrong?"
Is it wrong to like someone who is actually a friend for so long? Am I wrong if I like my old friend? Why now? I mean he's my friend for years, why just now? Where have I been for all that time? Did I just realize about his existence? I was so stupid then.
Yes, I have to admit that I like him. Yet, I am happy about it. I don't feel worried about my feeling towards him. I don't think about it, I just feel it, let my heart speak louder than before. Well, it's quite new for me, because usually I let my mind speak and force my heart to shut. Ya, I am happy.
I enjoy every moment, every beat of my heart, everything that I feel and every feeling which I have for him. I choose enjoying this feeling inside my heart towards him, instead of worrying about his feeling towards me. I choose enjoying what I feel now, instead of worrying what will happen later. The future will eventually come and I will find out in the end. Let it be.
Is it wrong? I still don't know the answer. That I know for sure is I don't wanna lose him as a friend. If fate puts me and him together, he will be my lifetime 'friend'. If destiny wants me and him separated, he will be still my friend. Whatever future will bring, I will keep him as my friend, since he is a precious friend of mine.
So, is it wrong?
Archive for June 2012
