28 January 24 years ago, I was born. Yes, now I’m officially 24 years old. I ever imagined when I was little about how I turned out to be in 24; would I have married already?  Would I have been rich? Would I have been a career woman? And many many things went trough my mind. So, this is a bit amazing for me that I’m really 24, already, haha..

You know, when a woman reaches her 24-year-old, in Indonesia to be exact, many people think that she’s already an adult and ready for marriage, an ideal age. I was thinking that way, too, that it’s better if I could get married in 24. I was. However now, hmmm I’ve changed my mind.

Since a year ago, more or less, I realized something that my dreams were a lot, one of it was married for sure. Until now, they’re still a lot haha.. When I was dreaming to marry early, there were many dreams that I hid inside, that I felt I could reach it after I had married. But it was.

Gotten experiences and knowledge made me learn more about myself. About exactly what I want, exactly what I need, who I was. And I was so grateful that God showed me that I was wrong. Thus from a hurtful experiences, God led my way to find myself, to find what I really want and need in life. Thank God!

So for now, I have a loooooot of dreams to be reached! I wanna get my master; I wanna be a lecturer; I wanna have my own business; I wanna travel around Indonesia, around the globe; I wanna have my comfortable house with a very beautiful seascape; I wanna take my parents to Hajj; I wanna marry when I’m 26; I wanna go to Santorini for my honeymoon (it’s a guilty pleasure anyway :p); I wanna have 2 children; I wanna share my life with the man I love who loves God, me and family, who’s a kind-hearted, smart and responsible; I wanna spend my life by helping others, with my husband and children. I want many! In my mind, there are still a lot if I dig deeper.

To be honest, there’s one thing that I’m curious enough: who’ll be my husband? Haha.. Like, have I met him before, or do I know him, or is he actually my friend, or does he a new person in my life, or when will we meet. I believe that I’m not alone who’s thinking that way, am I? Yes I’m so curious, but the time will come, a very right time, because God’s never late or too early. I believe it that way.

In the end, I'll say, "Aaaaa... so it's him."

No matter how far, how tough, how rough, there's always and end of a journey. In the end.

Again, and again, I wanna share what's inside my mind, mmm and heart.

Ceritanya dimulai dari conversation antara gw dan nyokap tadi sore. I guess it's actually my fault yang bilang, "ya ampun, ini udah bulan November aja. Dua bulan lagi aku 24 tahun!" Yup, I will be 24 on January yang menyebabkan nyokap bertanya mengenai a special person, which is I don't have. Gw bilang sama nyokap kalo gw mau married nanti umur 26 tahun, simply karena masih banyak hal yang mau gw capai sebelum nikah, salah satunya sekolah. Tapi, jawaban nyokap cukup 'jleb' buat gw, "Ya nggak apa-apa, umur segitu pas kok, tapi kan semua butuh persiapan." Hmmm, iya juga ya. Yang begini nih yang bikin kepikiran. It reminds me that I'm not that young anymore.

In my last post before this one, I wrote about Adele's song Someone Like You, that I stated I will find someone like you, someone who's best for me. Okay, I'll tell the truth, there's a good news and a bad news. The good news is actually I've found 'someone like you', even better. And, the bad news is I don't know whether he's found me or not. Yes, I like someone, but I have no idea apakah dia punya perasaan yang sama atau nggak. I never show my feeling to him. Lucunya, dia adalah orang yang unpredictable for me to find, because he's my friend. Justru, lebih predictable kalo gw ketemu orang baru, instead of suka dengan teman lama. Apalagi, gw sama sekali ga pernah punya perasaan apa pun ke dia sebelumnya. So, it's really new for me, this feeling.

Singkat ceritanya adalah gw dan dia cukup dekat sekarang, tapi ya dekat as friend. He's a beautiful good friend for me, that I like so much, more than a friend. Sejujurnya gw udah ngga terlalu mikirin tentang perasaan gw lagi, karena gw punya statement "however things turn out, it's alright", means gw nggak keberatan apa pun yang terjadi antara gw dan dia nantinya. Tapi, pembicaraan dengan nyokap tadi cukup bikin gw kepikiran lagi, since I like him a lot. Sekarang, cuma dia satu-satunya orang yang ada di otak gw ketika nyokap, atau siapa pun itu, yang bertanya soal "pasangan". But again, I just can't show my feeling to him.

Okay, there's a time when I have a kind of willingness to just go to him, and saying everything in my heart, all feeling inside and ask him what I should do next. I'm kinda tired with this guessing and waiting things. But ya, just sometimes. Yet, I am still silent until now. Then I wonder, should I praise myself for using my brain that well, or should I blame myself for successfully shutting my heart? Yeah well, I don't do both, because I am a bad decision maker. That I know, for now brain still win.

And anyway for these telling or keeping feeling, my best friends told me once that I had to give hints. Yang jadi masalah adalah, what kind of hints? Gw nggak bisa asal kasih dia clue tentang perasaan gw, karena dia teman gw. Oke, gw berulang kali bilang that he is my friend, mungkin ada yang bertanya, "Terus masalahnya dimana?" Masalah ada pada gw yang menganggap dia sebagai teman yang sangat berharga, dan gw nggak mau kehilangan teman berharga itu. I admit that i'm afraid of losing him. Gw takut, kalo dia tau tentang perasaan gw ke dia, dia akan menjauh dari gw. I'm afraid that he'll go from me, so I just keep my feeling inside. Being his friend is enough for me if it can keep him beside me. I guess, it actually hurts, but I always can endure the pain, all pains.

Conversation dengan nyokap tadi membuat gw berpikir lebih jauh. Kalo misalnya gw dan dia remain friend, then when will I find someone like him? Gw bukan orang yang mudah suka sama cowok. Ada dua hal yang bisa bikin gw kagum sama seseorang, pintar dan baik hati. Dia punya keduanya, those make me admire him. Chatting, joking, teasing, laughing, sharing changed admiring become liking. He has same vision about life as mine. He has different characters from mine which can complete me, I think. He is actually a man that I ever imagined as an ideal man. I never thought that my ideal man was really exist. So, this condition makes me wondering, when I will find the other ideal man, if we're not meant to be together. I have a deadline, hahaha...

Sebenarnya sih saat ini gw masih santai-santai aja, tapi ya gw punya deadline, apalagi nyokap udah bilang begitu. However, I always have faith in my heart, that my day will come with the right person in it. "Someday, God knows when, but someday it'll be my day." - Jane Nichols, 27 Dresses.

                                   "If this is love then love is easy
                                   It's the easiest thing to do
                                   If this is love then love completes me
                                   Cause the proof is I've been missing you"

                                                              Love is Easy, McFly

I'm sure that you all know Adele's Someone Like You, so I decide to not write down the lyric here, hehe.. I wanna tell a story about a part of my life, and 'Someone Like You' is so damn representing it haha.

When I was in university, around 4 years ago, I started to like someone. He studied in same university as me, but different major. Oh ya, he came from same city, too. He's 2 years older than me, mature, calm, smart, nice and kind and sweet and handsome hahaha.. He's my ideal type of a man. Until now, I still relate to him when looking for a man, as a standard ;-)

I had a crush on him quite long, for about 2 years. He's the first man that really fitted in my criteria. After having crush to him for that long, I thought that it was enough. At that time, I felt like I just admired him as he was so good. I also believed that he's not for me. I didn't have any idea why I believed that way.

As Adele's song, yes, he's married now. I always smile when I'm listening to that song, simply because I remember of him and I'm happy. I'm not hurt, I'm not jealous, I'm not envy. Never mind, I'll find someone like him. Someone who's best for me.

I have a story of a girl and a boy...

There's a teenage girl who's still pure and stupid as well, didn't know much about world, neither she wanted in life. She lived in a house, with a big tall wall and a locked gate and she never looked outside the windows, but she went out sometimes when it's needed.

The gate has an automatic system. It would recognize while her close friends and girl friends came, then the gate would automatically open, that's it. For the girl acquaintances, they needed to ring the bell for first visit, then for next visit the gate would automatically open. While for boy friends and acquaintances, they needed to ring the bell outside the gate when visiting. Then, she would decide and set which would the ones who didn't need to ring the bell for next visit, who did still need to. However, for mostly boys who wanted to visit her to get to know about her, they didn't have any guts to ring the bell outside the gate since the wall was intimidating. Therefore, there's a very few boys that could get close to her.

Years passed, she's more mature now. She still lives in her house with that big tall wall and locked gate, still never looks outside the windows, yet goes out more often than before. One day, while she was outside, she met her old friend, not a close one, a boy.

Unexpectedly, she can get along well with that boy. She shares her thoughts about many things, about world, about life. Surprisingly, he has same ideas with her, though his character is quite different. She never thought before that she would met a boy who had same idea with her or a boy who could understand about her thoughts, who could accept her as she was. It's more unpredictable that the boy was actually her old friend. Yes, she didn't know much about boys when she's teenager, then she never realized there's someone who's very good around her.

For first time in her life, she sets the gate to automatically open when that boy's coming, although that boy never visited her before. Thus, when that boy's coming, the gate will open itself without ringing the bell. Nevertheless, even though the boy's coming to her house through that gate, he still need to knock the front door. She never looks outside through the windows, so she won't know if there's someone outside her house. Maybe he's ever come to her house but not knocking the door, or maybe he's simply never come.

Now, she's waiting inside her house, waiting for that boy to come. The gate's never locked for that boy, so the only thing that the boy should do while visiting her is knocking the door. Simply knock, then she can open the door for him. So far, they are so close... So close, and still so far...