Apa arti setia? Dalam pikirku, aku hanya tahu bahwa setia adalah tidak mengkhianati. Lalu muncul pertanyaan lain, apa arti mengkhianati? Yang aku tahu, mengkhianati adalah membohongi, selingkuh, serong, dan kembali lagi, tidak setia.

Aku sungguh sedang tergugah untuk mencurahkan apa yang ada dalam hati mengenai kesetiaan. Aku memang hanya seorang perempuan berumur 21 tahun, tetapi aku cukup memiliki pengalaman pahit mengenai kesetiaan. Kadang aku berpikir bahwa aku hanya mendramatisir keadaan. Namun, ingatan yang terpatri dalam otak dan hatiku tak dapat kupungkiri. Hal itu terpahat kuat dan tak dapat kukikis dengan apa pun. Terlalu menyakitkan untuk diingat, tetapi terlalu kuat untuk dilupakan.

Ketika ada suatu hal yang berbau ketidaksetiaan muncul di hadapan, tiba-tiba semua kejadian bertahun-tahun yang lalu pun muncul kembali dalam ingatan. Tiba-tiba aku meratapi. Tiba-tiba aku tersakiti. Tiba-tiba aku lemah. Tiba-tiba air mata jatuh ke pipi.

Aku dihadapkan pada situasi yang sangat sulit. Aku tidak suka tapi aku tak dapat berkata. Aku ingin berkata tapi aku takut menyinggung perasaannya. Aku ingin berkata tapi aku bukan siapa-siapa. Aku ingin berkata tapi aku tidak berhak akan hidupnya. Aku dalam dilema.

Tuhan,
Mengapa Engkau membuatku tak dapat melupakan rasa sakit dikhianati?
Mengapa aku tidak dapat menerima bentuk pengkhianatan sedikit pun?
Tapi, mengapa Engkau membuatnya tidak belajar dari pengalaman dikhianati?
Mengapa Engkau membuat ia lupa bagaimana sakitnya dikhianati hingga sekarang ia dapat melakukan hal itu?

Tuhan,
Aku bingung karena aku tidak mau mencampuri urusan hidupnya.
Namun aku merasa bersalah karena tak mengatakannya.

Tuhan,
Aku sungguh merasakan sakitnya, walau bukan aku yang mengalaminya.
Aku sungguh merasa aku yang dikhianati.
Aku sungguh tidak dapat menerima bentuk ketidaksetiaan.
Aku sungguh tidak suka.

Tuhan,
Tolong aku!
Apa yang harus kulakukan?

I don't know what should I write.
It's very2 crazy that I haven't forget it after such a alooooong time...
It pops up to the surface again and I can't decline my true feeling.

I know that many things which It has done to me making me hurt, but who knows that I still have this feeling. I'm a little angry to myself actually coz I just can not make it work as it should be. Yeah, I think I just will see what will happen next.

I don't wanna say to forget It again. I just want it flow till I'm tired, till I'm bored, till I cry, till I scream, till I fall to the depth, or till I get the happy ending.

I'll play this game. No matter what will happen to me. Fight till the end!!!!!

I'm bored
I need time for relaxing my body and mind
I wanna go home as soon as possible
I miss my home, my room, and of course my family
What I do here is just watching movie, movie, and movie
yeah, it's a fun, but it will much more fun if I watch it at home
huhu, really really miss those
And actually, I'm also tired due to college activities
Studying, learning, doing assignments, doing exam, and so on, and on
I just need home to recharge my mind and soul

Home is exactly totally absolutely sweet home

I am 20-year-old girl. I'm single and really happy with this status -sometimes not-, because I feel free to do anything, to go anywhere, to search anybody at anytime for any reason. It's so much happiness.

I ever thought that I'm bored being single when I was 19. But now, I don't know, it's just like I'm lazy to make a relationship with someone. Maybe it's caused by many bad things happened to my close friends relate with relationship. Fiuhh.. It's tiring just see. I don't have any plan and any preparation for those things happen to me. I even don't imagine it. So I exactly knew that I don't have any clue what should I do if it happen to me. Moreover, I have a bad experience about man. I won't mention it in here, it's very personal.

Actually, It's not a big deal. Though I really really selective in selecting a man, I'm not afraid, or traumatic, with relationship. Traumatic is just for stupid people who can survive because of one or more bad thing(s). And of course, I'm excluded.

I'm searching but not in hurry.
Hey, I'm still 20. It's so many things that I have to explore coz life in this world is just once. I don't wanna regret someday.